You're the one
by Bookjunk
Summary: Adam and Rachel try to pick up the pieces, but disagree over what goes where. Post-season 1.
1. Psychosomatic

**You're the one**

 **Chapter 1: Psychosomatic**

Rachel didn't understand why – after all that had happened - but Adam was standing in front of her trailer trying to persuade her that she meant something to him. A thing she wasn't going to buy. Not again. Fool me twice and all that.

'You're different,' he offered. Seriously? That was weak.

'Because women don't usually talk to you like that,' Rachel rattled off, unimpressed. Adam shook his head.

'Well, no. That was a line,' he admitted. 'Of course women have talked to me that way before. I can behave like a right cock and not everyone's susceptible to my charm.'

'That was a line? I don't get it. What's it supposed to accomplish?' she inquired, curious.

'It's a variation of 'you're not like other women.' It is designed to make someone feel special.'

'Does that ever work?'

'Depressingly often. But that is not… We've gotten side tracked.'

'Oh, you don't want to discuss the mechanics of being a jerk?' Rachel snapped. Adam gave her a sharp look as if to say that she was out of line and Rachel mentally cursed herself. Indifferent was the attitude she was going for. Not scorned. Scorned implied that she cared.

'What I'm trying to say is that you are different because I look at you differently,' Adam explained. He seemed to think he'd said something profound. Rachel raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms.

'So what you're essentially saying is that I'm not actually different, except when viewed through the lens of you? You do realise that is really just a slightly less dickish way of saying that the only reason I'm special is because of you?' she pointed out. Adam shook his head.

'I think we got off to a wrong start here,' he protested.

'I don't think we have. What about 'What if I can't have what I truly want?' Did you mean that? Or was that also a line?'

'Surprisingly, not a line,' Adam replied.

'Uh huh,' she scoffed. He took a step towards her. Rachel reacted; not by retreating, but by remaining exactly where she was, daring him to touch her. Reading her mood correctly, Adam slowly withdrew until they were back where they began. He sighed.

'I want you, Rachel. Trust me, I want you more than I want anything else. Sometimes I think that you're the only thing I want,' he said. He had this wonderful talent to make a lie sound like the truth, but she was not falling for it. Not this time. Never again.

'Oh, really? Why'd you break your promise then, huh?' she demanded.

'I realised that it wasn't about me getting what I want. I put your needs before mine,' Adam responded. All lies. She didn't believe a word of it.

'You don't have to pretend,' she said coolly. 'I don't mind that I'm not at the top of your list. Seriously, Adam. That's fine. You're not at the top of mine either,' Rachel claimed.

'You _do_ come first,' he insisted. Rachel chuckled and studied him for a moment. He seemed so sincere. He should have been an actor. He actually looked like he had himself convinced.

'Look at you,' she marvelled. 'Are you starting to buy into your own lies?'

'I put you first! That's why I turned you down. I genuinely believed that I did what was best for you,' Adam stated, agitated. For the first time, Rachel hesitated. Could it be that he was being honest? She put a hand against the side of the trailer to steady herself.

'Then why does it feel like I'm dying?' she muttered.

'What?' Adam breathed, taken aback.

'Okay, you're right. That was super dramatic,' Rachel agreed, smiling. The smile required a superhuman effort and she was tired. So tired. Adam didn't return the smile.

'Is that really how you feel?' he asked, softly.

'No, of course not. You wasted my time. That's all. I don't need your love,' she answered. But boy do I want it, Rachel thought. It was an intense, desperate longing that – despite her words to the contrary - felt dangerously close to a need. And the fact that he'd held it out to her only to cruelly snatch it away when she reached for it hurt in places she hadn't even known could hurt.

'You don't need my love?' Adam repeated. He sounded upset.

'I wouldn't know what to do with it anyway,' she joked. Again Adam didn't smile.

'Are you serious?'

'I am… tired,' Rachel confessed. 'Tired of playing this game with you and getting nowhere. Tired of our feelings causing nothing but harm. Tired of loving you. Yes, I am in love with you. You know how I know? Because you're the one I want to hurt.'


	2. Elastic heart

**You're the one**

 **Chapter 2: Elastic heart**

'Didn't you do that already, though?' Adam asked, smiling. It wasn't one of his usual charming smiles. This one she hadn't seen before. Or, if she had, she'd conveniently forgotten. This smile was acid.

'I mean, come on, Rachel. I'm not actually that dumb. I remember what producers do: you create conditions for things to happen. Those are your words. I know that you were behind what happened at the wedding,' Adam explained. That's what this is then, Rachel thought. Payback. She could understand that.

'But I don't care about that,' he added, throwing her for a loop again.

'You expect me to believe that?' she mocked.

'As long as you've gotten it out of your system now. Have you?'

'What happens if I say yes?' Rachel – curious but cautious - asked. It was a nicer way of saying 'what's in it for me?' and it was a million times better than saying 'what's in it for you?' She didn't think if she could handle knowing the answer to the latter question.

'I'll ask you, _again_ , to run away with me. It will be an experiment of sorts.'

'An experiment. How romantic,' Rachel remarked, sarcasm thick and heavy. Her heart was racing with anger and fear and – worst of all – desire.

'I'm offering you reality; not Everlasting,' Adam reminded her.

'Don't do that. It's so disingenuous,' Rachel protested, laughing. Her laughter sounded fragile to her own ears. Dammit, she had no intention of crying, so why did she sound as if she was on the verge of tears? Adam took a step towards her and she held out her hands to hold him off. She couldn't have him near. Reluctantly, he halted.

'This is me being honest. I don't know how to make it any clearer.'

Rachel shook her head. She couldn't entertain the possibility that he meant it. She didn't want to. It had to be fake. Like everything else was fake. Like she was fake.

'It's fake,' she insisted.

'That's where you're wrong. I never have to fake it with you,' Adam contradicted. She smiled wryly at the ground before taking a deep breath and looking up at him.

'You asked me this before. And then you changed your mind,' she pointed out, taking care to keep her voice steady and her face free of expression. See, she could do this. It was like poker. A game. Nothing to lose. Nothing to win.

'I know,' he said, but his sympathy grated.

'No, you don't,' Rachel snapped. 'You don't know what that felt like. You hurt me, Adam. You really hurt me. If you think that I will subject myself to that again then you're crazier than I am. Besides, aren't we heroin?'

Overly harsh? Maybe. But it felt so good.

'Perhaps we are,' Adam admitted. 'But it can hardly be worse than your life right now, can it? Seriously, even if we are bad for each other, we'll still be better than this. Yes, you're great at your job, but where does that get you? Does it make you proud? Does it make you happy?'

Rachel pursed her lips; ready to deny and lie until she realised the futility of that. Adam knew she wasn't proud of what she did and who she was. And she certainly wasn't happy. Adam nodded.

'Alright. Apparently neither of us is living the life we want to live. Therefore, I propose a deal.'

'What kind of deal?' she inquired, sceptically.

'Be with me. No, let me finish, please. We'll do things differently this time. We don't run away from our problems; we face them head on. No excuses. Just us. You can write the next great American novel while I continue to look for investors. Let's give it a year. We'll see how it goes.'

'You sound as if you're not sure if it'll work,' Rachel objected, confused. Her conviction that this was one giant lie to get back at her was gone and, however hard she tried, it wouldn't return.

'Because I'm not! It's a gamble, Rachel. It's always a gamble. But I'm willing to try. That's why you should come with me. It won't be pretty and it won't be easy, but it will be _real_. So, are you done? Have you hurt me enough?'

Adam looked at her, seemingly waiting for a sign from her. Rachel shrugged.

'I don't know,' she answered, truthfully. She had nothing else to give. Luckily, her half-hearted acquiescence seemed to satisfy Adam. He reached for her hand and she let him take it. His fingers slipped around hers in that gentle way of his. She'd seen him do this to a dozen women. Sweet-talk them into forgiving them. Make them feel special and wanted and loved. How was this different?

It wasn't. There was nothing to indicate that this wasn't bullshit. Not a shred of proof. Yet, it felt different. It felt very different. No promises. No expectations. Her hand in his. There was one thing she didn't understand, though.

'But, _why_? Why me?' she asked.

'Because you're the one I want with me while I try.'

The end.


End file.
